[Sandy]

I'm very honored to be asked to begin discussing topics related to abuse here.  Thank you.  I will most likely also copy some of these posts to my personal blog which can be found at http://runwithpatience.wordpress.com. 

Here are a few links for resources for domestic abuse, most of which are Christian based.  I will add to these as time goes on.

Peace and Safety in the Christian Home    http://www.peaceandsafety.com/ 
Task force to Stop Abuse Against Women   http://www.abuseofwomen.org/
Faith Trust Institute   http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/
National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/ or 1-800-722-SAFE
Christians for Biblical Equality articles on abuse  http://www.cbeinternational.org/new/free_articles/abuse_articles.shtml

[Sandy]

The Bible states that all human beings, male and female, are made in the image of God, and have the same dignity and value in God’s sight (Genesis 1:26-27, 5:2-3; Acts 17:25-26; James 3:9). Believers are commanded to respect and honor each other and to be concerned with each other’s welfare (Romans 12:10-16; 15:1-2; Galatians 6:2; Colossians 3:11).  Abuse is the antithesis of these statements. 

In being asked to develop posts on abuse and abuse related issues as they pertain to a Biblical equality point of view, it occurred to me that many who might be reading this will not be as familiar as I am with the prevalence of abuse.  It’s difficult to comprehend just how big a problem it is unless you are faced with the various people from all walks of life which are affected by it.   I thought I would post some statistics from the US Department of Justice as it relates to the US.  For those of you in other countries, let me know if you’re interested and I’ll research those as well.  Let me point out that these statistics only include reported physical abuse and not emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse.

Domestic Abuse Statistics - US Dept. of Justice
________________________________________
Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.

Every 9 seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted and beaten.

4,000,000 women a year are assaulted by their partners.

In the United States, a woman is more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped, or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant.

Every day, 4 women are murdered by boyfriends or husbands.

Prison terms for killing husbands are twice as long as for killing wives.

93% of women who killed their mates had been battered by them. 67% killed them to protect themselves and their children at the moment of murder.

25% of all crime is wife assault.

70% of men who batter their partners either sexually or physically abuse their children.

Domestic violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women.

73% of the battered women seeking emergency medical services have already separated from the abuser.

Women are most likely to be killed when attempting to leave the abuser. In fact, they're at a 75% higher risk than those who stay.

The number-one cause of women's injuries is abuse at home. This abuse happens more often than car accidents, mugging, and rape combined.

Up to 37% of all women experience battering. This is an estimated 566,000 women in Minnesota alone.

Battering often occurs during pregnancy. One study found that 37% of pregnant women, across all class, race, and educational lines, were physically abused during pregnancy.

60% of all battered women are beaten while they are pregnant.

34% of the female homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends.

2/3 of all marriages will experience domestic violence at least once.

Weapons are used in 30% of domestic violence incidents.

Approximately 1,155,600 adult American women have been victims of one or more forcible rapes by their husbands.

Over 90% of murder-suicides involving couples are perpetrated by the man. 19-26% of male spouse-murderers committed suicide.

When only spouse abuse was considered, divorced or separated men committed 79% of the assaults and husbands committed 21%.

Abusive husbands and lovers harass 74% of employed battered women at work, either in person or over the telephone, causing 20% to lose their jobs.

Physical violence in dating relationships ranges from 20-35%.

It is estimated that between 20% to 52% of high school and college age dating couples have engaged in physical abuse.

More than 50% of child abductions result from domestic violence.

Injuries that battered women receive are at least as serious as injuries suffered in 90% of violent felony crimes.

In 1991, only 17 states kept data on reported domestic violence offenses. These reports were limited to murder, rape, robbery, and serious bodily injury.

More than half of battered women stay with their batterer because they do not feel that they can support themselves and their children alone.

In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are abused at a rate 1,500% higher than the national average.

Up to 64% of hospitalized female psychiatric patients have histories of being physically abused as adults.

50% of the homeless women and children in the U.S. are fleeing abuse.

The amount spent to shelter animals is three times the amount spent to provide emergency shelter to women from domestic abuse situations.

Family violence kills as many women every 5 years as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War.

[TL]

Excellent info.  Can you post a link for the statistics?

[Sandy]

Here are some links to the statistics.  The first one is very enlightening.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/vi.pdf
http://www.ojp.gov/nij/topics/crime/intimate-partner-violence/extent.htm
http://www.ojp.gov/nij/topics/crime/intimate-partner-violence/measuring.htm
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/intimate/ipv.htm
http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf
http://www.ojp.gov/nij/topics/crime/violence-against-women/selected-results.htm
http://nij.ncjrs.gov/publications/Pub_Search.asp?category=99&searchtype=basic&location=top&PSID=2

Some of the stats came from a booklet I have for clients entitled: When Violence Hits Home printed by Vanderbilt University, TN 2001 and available from the TN department of Health

[Sandy]

One stat needs correction:
Instead of reading 25% of all crime is wife assault it should read approximately 20% of all crime involves domestic violence.  See first link above.

[servinggodalone]

I think a lot of people don't realize how pervasive domestic violence is and how hidden/silent it is.  I was the receiver (I'm never a victim!) of "minor" domestic violence in my first marriage.  But even then, it was devastating.  It went on for several years before anyone knew (I was so embarrassed and ashamed).  My (ex)husband, by his actions, was able to successfully isolate me from almost everyone who could or would intervene.  And after counseling finally exposed his actions, he went to find a comp counselor who would "advise" me that I needed to go back home and "submit" to my husband.  Fortunately, by that time, I'd decided that the "shame" of divorce was less than the abuse.  I'm one of those that's convinced that complementarian teaching within the church---while in itself seeming rather innocent---has (whether purposefully or not) been a contributor to why Christian women are abused.

It's very sad.

[Sandy]

Robin,
As a counselor, I'm not really sure there is anything that could be called minor abuse.  Abuse hurts deeply into the soul.  I'm also convinced you're right about the comp teachings actually encouraging abuse.  The men have lttle to no accountability and the women are taught that God requires them to submit.  Why, if they are silent long enough, God might save their husbands.    Of course we know this can never happen.  People don't turn to God until they're confronted with their own sin and repent.  I personally believe there are many women who have turned from God because of this wrong teaching.  I'm so glad you were able to take yourself from the bad situation and still follow God.  What a brave woman you must be!
Sandy

PS.
I'm going to be posting information on abuse as well as the differences between an inequal relaitonship and an equal relaitonship as it relates to abuse as time goes on.

[servinggodalone]

Robin,
As a counselor, I'm not really sure there is anything that could be called minor abuse.  Abuse hurts deeply into the soul.

Sandy, I say "minor" because there are many women out there who are beaten regularly.  Fortunately, I was only hit once.  But my ex used to disappear (out drinking and whoring) and then come home and break into the house in the wee hours of the morning.  I lived in terror, not knowing if it was him or someone else.  Of course, there were other things.  He's remarried (finally) and I don't know if he's repeating the patterns with his current wife.  It wouldn't surprise me because I know he's never faced the demons in his life. 

I don't make any excuses.  I knew I wasn't supposed to marry this man and I did it anyway.  And I have a wonderful daughter out of that marriage, so no regrets.  But, at least two pastors (one a licensed counselor) told me to basically go home and submit and God would work a "miracle."  For a long time, I felt so guilty because I couldn't do that. 

[Sandy]

  But, at least two pastors (one a licensed counselor) told me to basically go home and submit and God would work a "miracle."  For a long time, I felt so guilty because I couldn't do that. 

Robin,
I understand as I've seen this happen time and time again.  The woman is basically told that it is really her fault after all.  So, not only were you abused by this man but also by these pastors/counselors.  I'm so glad things have worked out well for you.  Unfortunately, for those women who aren't able to leave for one reason or another, things usually get worse.  And those that are beaten are 75% more likely to be killed if they try to leave than those who stay. Thank God He directed your path.  I've  found over the years that my deepest feelings of guilt came from man's teachings about God and not God's.
Sandy

[servinggodalone]

  But, at least two pastors (one a licensed counselor) told me to basically go home and submit and God would work a "miracle."  For a long time, I felt so guilty because I couldn't do that. 

Robin,
I understand as I've seen this happen time and time again.  The woman is basically told that it is really her fault after all.  So, not only were you abused by this man but also by these pastors/counselors.  I'm so glad things have worked out well for you.  Unfortunately, for those women who aren't able to leave for one reason or another, things usually get worse.  And those that are beaten are 75% more likely to be killed if they try to leave than those who stay. Thank God He directed your path.  I've  found over the years that my deepest feelings of guilt came from man's teachings about God and not God's.
Sandy

I had huge inbred distaste for divorce, which is funny because my maternal grandmother was married four times, divorced twice (and I loved her to death).  And, to be honest, I do believe in married "til death do us part."  But my very wise first counselor told me that my ex had exited the marriage long before we filed for divorce.  In fact, what freed me was when I learned that he was having sex with prostitutes (which the counselor violated his ethics to tell me . . . and for that I'm eternally grateful).  The funny thing was, all these pastors and counselors knew that I wasn't the thing (and acknowledged that), but refused to truly confront my ex and just wanted me to learn how to live with it.  What good that was supposed to do, I don't know.

I have a dear friend now whose husband is an unsaved (supposed to be recovering) alcoholic.  She and I were talking just yesterday about how isolated she has become, either going to events by herself or staying home because he won't go with her.  She attends a very comp church and continually struggles to submit to this man because she believes that's God's will.  I tried to talk to her, but she's convinced.  So I love on her and pray for her. 

I know how she feels . . . 

[TL]

I find it increasingly horrifying that there are so many Christian counselors/pastors who would tell Christian women to return to their abuser and submit some more.  Not too long ago, Paige Patterson, president of Southwest University (forget exact name) bragged that he always did so.

Proper consideration of what abuse is, how it functions and how to deal with it needs to get out to the Christian community.

[Sandy]

Proper consideration of what abuse is, how it functions and how to deal with it needs to get out to the Christian community.

Agreed.  It never fails to amaze me at the Scripture twisting people do in order to excuse or hush up abuse.  I've also decided to post these articles on my personal blog as I develop them in order to reach a wider group of people.  The next post will be on the characteristics of abusers and what the Bible says about those.  I'm planning posts on defining abuse, the role it plays, how to deal with it in your own life, and how to help friends who are either abused or abusers.  I feel it's important to approach this from a Scriptural point of view as many abuse victims have been taught (wrongly) that they have no options.  For those who are brave enough to get out (like you, Robin), many have to turn to secular counselors and organizations for help and then struggle with guilt for a long time afterwards.  This is not glorifying to God in any form or fashion.

[TL]

Sandy, let's take one of them and post it on our Blog also.  It is brand new so it doesn't get much traffic, but in time it will.  We need to promote it. 

[Sandy]

TL,
You can post any or all of them as you want, maybe just copy and paste?  I didn't realize we had a blog? I'm a little slow, as I keep telling everyone. 

PS.. Found the blog. Very cool.

[TL]

You might want to consider putting a link to your website in your signature...